I am tired. Physically and spiritually. What have I been doing? I do not do rigorous activities. I slack and sleep as much as I can. I don't really bother how the rest of the world is doing. Well, yes, I have been thinking extremely a lot. No any particular thoughts, all random thoughts. Been thinking how my life was then and now, how I've changed... Funny. Thinking back, I realize as I grow older, I started to compromise a lot of things. My principles that used to sound so loud in my life now seems to found some place to hide.

So what is wrong? What made me compromise? Of course, there are good changes but it seems like only the negative ones stay in my head. Anyways, been doing a lot of soul-searching even before the semester started. I have decided to re-prioritize things in my life. Things and people that I left behind whilst I was busy chasing some other things. I need to catch up with people, build stronger relationships and pick up the pieces I last left with God. I would say, so far so good. I am more focus in lectures and I hope it will stay that way. I have dreams for my future. I want to go out and do things that benefit not only me, but others as well.

I am like many lazy undergraduates. I don't want to go out to work so fast. But I'm not blessed that way. I have commitments even before I come out to work. Coming from a regular family, I cannot afford to have a gap year or even a couple of months. I don't have a rich father who can support my daily expenses and I definitely wouldn't want my dad to keep supporting me after I graduate. I am afraid of thunderbolts. I want to go for further studies. Looking at the situation, the only way to happen is to get a full scholarship. To get that, I have to put a lot of work in this final year of mine.

I would need lots of prayers and encouragement. So you guys, reading this... please do keep me in your prayers. Thanks.

Responsibility seems to follow you around, always. Just when I thought I can hand over my position in CF happily, there I have a much bigger responsibility. I think I can handle responsibility well. I think. Being a treasurer allowed me to do a lot of paperwork which I detest greatly...! But, I passed my serving term. But to ask me to lead others spiritually, now... that is an issue.

Discipleship WOR.

I admit. I have goosebumps everytime someone says this to me. Its a big thing. I am not a model christian. I do things that a christian shoudn't do. Yet again I am reminded that no one is perfect. I guess my biggest worry is that I am afraid what I do will stumble others. Its been a big problem for me ever since... the elders approached me about this. Its even worse now that they want to do such thing in CF. I am yes, indeed experienced and an older christian. Maturity level, I think I'm far behind.

Excuses, definately.

“I used to party comfortably because I was working. Now, however, I became just like any poor student in college”
A friend mourning about his party days.

I would say my life seems a little mundane lately. Nothing much is happening, too much of free time. I wish this will not end. *grins* I was complaining to a friend about how I wish things are different in my life. I told her how much I wish I am smarter, prettier and THINNER! Yep, things I am never satisfied about. I wish myself to become so many things that I don’t even know will I ever be that. Well, back to the conversation. She looked at me and simply asked a simple question. Why don’t you ask for God’s works in your life instead of all these worldly things?

Fuiyoh. That was a real slap on the face.