I am fustrated, mad, tired and everything else. I wish to be back in primary school when life seemed so blissful then. Don't get me wrong. I love my life, even at this point now. Events in life either make you or break you. Of course, I am hoping for the better one. I thought I get to avoid it all but somehow it never stop finding me. 90% of the time, it succeed.

I am trying to change. Perhaps I am try too hard. I feel suffocated. Am I bringing this to myself? Hah. A big YES.

I am sick of the issues. I wish God will raise His Mighty hand and make it all go away. Somehow, He always whispers back, I have to mold you for greater purposes, depend on Me, my child.

Argh.

I'm back from my break. The new semester jus started. Lovely. I just love new semesters, for the obvious reasons.

My holiday, well, it was a mixture of miserable"ness" and wonderful"ness". I had a good time working part-time for the musical "My Fair Lady". I guess the highlight of my break was the planning retreat with my cf members. The place, well, as the name says all. Asian Martial Arts Village. It really do look like those kungfu training place as we see on TVB movies. Its a peace and quiet place and infested with bugs and mozzies. Honestly, I think some of the boys were having "killing the most mosquitoes" competition. It was a good camp because, its a very relaxing camp. Somehow, from that camp, I realized how much I need to depend on God's Word after all the issues I had. I've been so dependant on myself without realizing and I'm glad I come to know that now.

Examination results just came out today. Its not fantastic nor terrible. I don't know. I am not hysterical over it as previous semesters. I kept reminding myself to be thankful at all times. Its funny, guess its a human thing. When I did my papers, I prayed that I will at least get a pass. Fortunately for me, I did, by the grace of God of course. Hmm, I think it was a lot of grace if grace is countable. When results come out, I secretly hope that since God gave some miracles, why couldn't He give me more, like a couple of As will do the job. Ahahah... yep, that is my secret wish. I hope I am a changed person now. To be content with what I have and looks at life brighter.

Gintell came up with something for ladies. They call it...

the ULTIMATE CORRECTION GARMENT

What is it? It gives a total push-up to your *ahem* assets.

I've only came to know the world of lingerie when I was in form6. I mean, I have always knew the usual undergarments, just that it never occurs to me the different types in the lingerie market. I never bother much about them until lately, or should I say a few days back. I came to know the wonders of a corset. Yes, I have seen Pirates of the Carribean where elizabeth swann had difficulties wearing a corset. I have also seen corset dresses worn with much agony and pain. Never really understand why. Hmm. The things people do for beauty.

Anyway, with the modern technology and new creative ideas, corsets can be simple and easily worn. Its fashionable and can be worn outside. The wonders of lingerie. I still like the traditional one, with strings and all. By putting on a corset, for undergarment purposes, you get... VOILA! A well defined waist and fantastic push-up. You don't even have to worry if your stomach is flabby. But of course, you don't simply wear it. Wear it at right occassions, and the right clothing. And don't even think of enjoying your meals with that. However, you'll be able to sit up straight throughout the whole thing, which is... good for my back. Hee hee.

I so want a corset. A corset dress is beautiful too. *thinks*

I've been told that I was the heaviest baby in the family. Kinda obvious, heh. I grew up with cartoons such as transformers and he-man. She never fail to remind me to never sit close to the tv box, guess it happened to almost everyone. Books are my passion too, and I tend to read it in dark places and there I had the same nags from her. She always make me to consume for fish because "its good for your eyes", she said. Well, I still end up wearing glasses when I was 7 years old. Oh, well.

She is the one person who hardly calls eventhough I am out late but still get it when I reaches home finally. She is always concern of the people I mixed with. You know, bad friends = bad influence = bad sukmun. Somehow the thing she worries most is whether I am getting enough nutrition or not. She thinks eating out is bad, in terms of health. There is some truth to it, no doubt but its so convenient!

Well, hey mum. Looks like you won't stop worrying eventhough I reach 50 years old. You'll probably checking my daily meals whereas I'll be reminding you to take your supplements daily. Dad will probably be as naggy as you then too.

Happy MUMSY daY!

I hate summer. Malaysian summer.

I don't have long summer breaks. All I have are days of endless heat. Bah...

Back in Ipoh, finally. Been sleeping for more than 12 hours a day. And eating. Please don't tell me I gained weight whenever you see me.

Have not been meeting up with the peeps here yet. Told them that I've got the lazy bug. Next week, guys?

I want heroes ep21. Feels weird going through the whole week without the weekly dose of heroes. TV series are so addictive. You'll tend to look forward to every episode until the finale. The next thing you know, you are waiting for the next season.

Oh boy, check out this place, Asian Martial Arts Village.
Sounds like those Shaolin Temple places where youngsters spend their time there to learn martial arts during their summer break.
Watch too many canto-kungfu movies. *shrugs*

Anyways, it is in Seremban. I'll be going there with my CF peeps for a planning retreat camp. I wonder how they can call a planning retreat, a retreat. How can u exactly rest and relax when you have to plan at the same time? Its not fair. We committees should have a retreat camp. Just retreat, nothing hardcore. I hope the higher management does not see this.

Its MOTHERS DAY tomorrow! I am broke, cannot afford to treat my mom to anything at all. Sorry mum. But hey, her two eldest daughters are back. Think I'll be a parasite.

p/s: I passed all my papers! I have to say, MIRACALOUSLY! I'm so thankful to God and now I am left to worry about my grades. Oh yeah, thanks to my studymate too.

Viewing old pictures makes me feel horrible. It reminds you of the things you were going through then. Now? Things are no longer that beautiful. Argh.

There are so many things I want to do.

I want to…

1. make big bucks
2. make it big in the corporate world
3. repay all my financial loans
4. get a 1st class honours
5. make a difference
6. see the people I missed the most
7. learn making ice-cream
8. go on a holiday alone
9. learn dancing
10. make new friends
11. go to somewhere new
12. play bowling
13. watch movies
14. watch aeroplanes
15. do something worthy
16. get that dress that I’ve been looking at for ages
17. be like her
18. know why the world is like this
19. eat and never get fat
20. have patience, and lots of love
21. swim
22. turn back time
23. build relationships
24. have fun
25. grow old gracefully
26. have people praising me for the things I’ve done
27. be acknowledge for my friendship
28. fall in love and get married
29. be generous
30. make an extra effort in everything
31. watching raindrops by the window pane with him

Darn. I am so selfish. Tsk tsk.

dear vincent,

sorry, I'm a day late. I've talked to your mum a few weeks back. She was asking me to help her to get music scores for your favourite song, "Better is One Day". Its not easy, because hardly anyone write those for their usual practice anymore. Some don't even remember what are those. The "taugehs". Guess I was not very efficient. She managed to find a church friend of yours to do it.

I clearly remember the last time I saw you, was on your 21st birthday. I wanted you to drive me because you promised but somehow, you weren't well everytime I was in ipoh. We went to the nearest oldtown kopitiam and spent time with simin and suetwei too. It was weird seeing you with a moustache and long straightened hair. You were still you, the tv series and books fan.

You would have been 22nd this year. Well, God took you home. I miss you a lot. Especially the past few weeks, knowing your birthday was approaching. I haven't been to the graveyard for some time. Your mum said flowers are blooming, and the sight is awesome. I'll make a trip there when I am back, I promise.

Love you always, my dear brother.