Memories,
light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
of the way we were.
Scattered pictures
of the smiles we left behind
smiles we give to one another
for the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then
or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
tell me would we?
Could we?

Memories,
may be beautiful and yet
what's too painful to remember
we simply choose to forget
So it's the laughter we will remember
whenever we remember
the way we were.

I was just driving through some old, familiar roads. Miraculously, I remember almost every situation at the different places. I laughed at myself on how good my memory is when it comes to not so important things. As I waited for the lights to turn green, I looked around and remember the moments I used to have at the exact spot. Moving on, I saw the stores and restaurants I used to go to and the people I've been there with. I saw the houses that I used to hang out a lot. The roads I used to walk on. But I just couldn't bring myself to go back to that one place. Its just too hard.

What is in their mind?

No, this is not those guidelines-to-know-your-man thingy.

A friend's fiance just call off the engagement. Shocking? Oh boy, YES! They have been together for, about 6 years, I presume. Officiate the engagement early of the year and actually set a date for the wedding with just months away. All of a sudden, he just went over to her house and call it off. The reason?

I cannot make you happy.

Whoa. You call that a reason.

Girls are curious yet simple beings. You want a break-up, fine. But nothing is more important than the reason why. Its weird sometimes that guys think they can get away so easily.

So what are they thinking about? I became friends with this dude recently who happen to be in a four-year relationship, and oh, mind you, shes his first love. Guess what? He was well, not exactly complaining... I asked the ultimate question.

Do you want to be single or in a relationship at this moment?

The answer was obvious with his facial expression. He simply doesn't want to commit. I mean, already four years, and still not going steady? Then what are girlfriends for? Friends with benefits?

Men.

*grumbles*

Look at me, Look at me
I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
I'm trying to find a way to understand
But I need you, I need you
I need a hand

I am changing
Seeing everything so clear
I am changing
I'm gonna start right now, right here
I'm hoping to work it out
And I know that I can
But I need you, I need a hand

All of my life I've been a fool
Who said I can do it on my own
How many good friends have I already lost?
How many dog nights have I known?
Walking down that wrong road
There was nothing I could find
All those years of darkness
Looking for some light
But now I can see

I am changing
Trying every way I can
I am changing
I'll be better than I am
But I need a friend
To help me start all over again
That would be just fine
I know it's gonna work out this time
'Cause this time I am
This time I am

I am changing
I'll get my life together now
I am changing
Yes I know how
I'm gonna start again
I'm gonna leave my past behind
I'll change my life
I'll make a vow and nothings gonna stop me now

Its true, you know.

You know how two people can drift apart because of differences? It doesn't only happen in boy-girl relationship as the same goes for family and friends. Do you remember the childhood friend you once had? Had some masak-masak games, tea parties with the dolls? Well, maybe not for me. I remember we used to hang out alot. However, I have trouble remembering what we actually did. At that point of time, she was a big part of your world. Then you grew up, going into primary school and thus, you are separated from each other due to the different schools. You next meet her in the same secondary school (eventhough you lived so close to each other!) but all changed. You have your friends, she have hers. Differences grew you apart from each other.

You then chose one from your many friends and stayed close to her. You shared thoughts, food, laughter and even tears. The differences were what made you both unique to each other, but it is also the differences that grew you apart from each other. Very soon you start disliking each other and did all you can to get rid of her. You fought and make a big hoo ha over it. Then you decided to stay in NON-talking terms for a couple of years. As the years passed, you grew up. So did she. A phone call away was all that was needed. It was also from there a new friendship blossomed. There are still many differences but she became one of those that you know you can always talk to whenever, wherever!

Next on, you continued your life journey, going through the many phases of life. The people you met, either they are just your HI-BYE friends, or probably some hanging out mates. From there, you again managed to find someone who seem to be able to understand you, or simply compatible. You helped each other along the way, doing things for each other like what every best friends do. You hang out so much together, having endless conversations and even so, you are never sick of the company. However, everyone have a different path in life. You both moved on, thinking that nothing will ever break the bond. It was indeed a test of time. When you finally meet up again, you already prepared the whole list to share and talk about because you do want to know about each other's life. But when the time came, you just became dumbfounded, you couldn't recite out the list of things. You just sat there, desperately waiting for time to pass because you are not comfortable at all. You both became two very different people, with different interests.

I had many good friends eventhough some may come to the past. I'll think about those times once in a while, remembering all the good times. I suppose life still goes on, though I do hope to get back those times again. I really miss it.

As my days passed by, the more I wonder whether am I in the right place, doing the right thing. I do have doubts of myself whether am I in the field that I can excel in. I do take pride in a lot of things but at the same time, I am not as smart, as hardworking as the rest of them. I just don't see where I belong. I just can't seem to understand the accounts, the reason behind every term and also the way to analyze it. I don't know whether is it because I refuse to think or I just couldn't.

Looking at the way the market is now, is financial services really my cup of tea? Or maybe I should just do things that doesn't require me to think so much. What I mean by not thinking so much is that I do not have to know how to derive this figure and fundamentals of it and bla bla. Maybe I should join HR, since I prefer to meet people more. Or I should just sell credit cards where I just learn about the product and think of ways to sell it. I am not saying these jobs are easier. Its just that I am a very people-oriented kind of person. Maybe hanging out too much with financials is driving me crazy. Man, now I kinda wish I did accountancy instead. Life would probably be so much easier.

Back to the current market situation. Its pretty scary how we see banks in Malaysia itself holding back from new loans and even recruiting new trainees. Even doing annual reviews on the current customers requires much more attention than ever before. Which is pretty terrifying as I am so GREEN to the industry and I actually have to do it. Retrenchment probably will not happen (I hope!) as Asian banks are naturally more conservative. However, we are definately going to be influenced in some way. Its going to be a bad year and everyone will agree to it. So will next year.

I am in fact fearful as I realize the importance of savings. Like they say, CASH is king at times like these. Very real indeed.

Well, maybe not.

I'll prefer the way it is now.

I love my weekends. Well, who wouldn't when your weekdays are usually filled with appointments with your clients, colleagues and everyone else in the train.

It was however, an awesome weekend so far. I love staying in. People always asked, "Isn't it boring to stay at home the whole day?" *shrugs*

I am a self-motivator. I need to do things which I know I will be able to maximize my self-satisfaction. Simple things like spending time reading a good book over a cuppa, watching a good movie, or even listening to my favourite music album.

But of course, I do believe in meeting other people. That is why I usually plan my weekends ahead. Its not flexible, no doubt. So, I will not plan a whole day affair just in case for any last minute events. So my weekends are filled with at least one event. I need to open my mouth and talk too.

Good morning! Its a wonderful Sunday morning, don't you think?

I woke up at the sounds of the cleaners arriving at the front door, my mom's usual morning chatter and this song in my head:

A cigarette that bares a lipstick's traces
An airline ticket to romantic places
And still my heart has wings
These foolish things remind me of you

A tinkling piano in the next apartment
Those stumblin'words
That told you what my heart meant
A fairground's painted swings
These foolish things
remind me of you.

You came,You saw,You conquered me
When you did that to me
I knew somehow this had to be

The winds of March
That made my heart a dancer
A telephone that rings
But who's to answer
Oh, how the ghost of you clings
These foolish things
Remind me of you

I didn't have a single drop of alcohol for the past two weeks. I am so proud of myself :) I am staying away from it all until the end of the year. Or maybe by christmas. I better make up my mind fast.

Next week will be another first day on the job. I'll be moving to Medan Pasar branch coming friday. Pretty excited with the fact that I am finally going to do some real work. Not so excited that I will have to go through the "first day trauma" all over again. Are the people nice? One thing for sure, I do not have to worry about food at the area. So much good food, which also means lots of buses and cars. Air pollution to the max.

And oh, I AM GOING FOR MAMA-MIA THE MUSICAL in december!