Lonely.

A word that is detest by many. Sometimes this word became a taboo, where people wouldn't even dare to say this word. People like me.

Its a feeling where it makes you feel that you are the worst person on earth. Simply because you are alone and no one is beside you, not even a single person.

Another scenario would be eventhough there are many people around you, care for you, there is still this tinge feeling of loneliness. I am very blessed to have others being concern about me. However, the feeling once again creep in and make you realize, the ones that concern about you, are just not the people you wish them to be.

I've just came back from two camps, and no I do not have any pictures to post. This is what happen when you do not own a camera. Sheesh. CF camp was good. The food, environment and people! One of the best camps ever. Too much to tell and I am lazy to blog it all out. If you wanna know more, check out Bernard's blog. Next, I went to Alor Gajah which is about 20 minutes from Malacca for a leader's retreat from KAOG. We went to this place called "El Sanctuary" where "EL" means God. Its a nice place with chalets and this is the first camp where I get to eat good food. We had BBQ for the first night with lamb, chicken, fish and good salad. Breakfast was good also with pancakes served with banana caramel. Dinner was spaghetti with mussels and prawns. Meals just got better every time. Seriously, you can never find such good food for camps and its rm60 per day. Hah. I paid only rm100 because church subsidize some of it.

Anyways, had some workshops where we did personality tests, the infamous D.I.S.C. And boy, guess what am I. A high "I" and "C". How is that possible? All these while I've always been a high "S". Now, apparently I do not even have a "S" which means submissive. Haha, I am not submissive to my authorities. However, this done focusing on ministry, so probably its different. And because of this, I was appointed to organize the annual camp next year. A bunch of bullies, I'll say. It will be my final semester and they find so many things for me to do. Must be a trap asking me to go for the camp.

Looks like its going to be a really busy semester with part-time job, studies, thesis, planning for the camp and also CF's christmas musical. I have to act. Can't believe I let Polly drag me into it. I shall try my very best not to regret.

Selamat Hari Raya folks!
I wanna eat rendang and malay delicacies. All sums up to one word: FAT

You might think that KL roads will be "kosong kereta" and free from kesesakan orang. You are wrong! No difference at all. Looks like the chinese and indian population here is fairly big. Had a hearty brekkie with pork, namely BAK KUT TEH. Its nearby sunway and its actually not bad. A bit tad salty, though. Checked out the 2nd phase of sunway pyramid. NOTHING SPECIAL. A waste of time. However, I did manage to get a shirt, cheap cheap. Heh.

Once the weekend pass, classes will start. Boo. Got my timetable and I do not have any days off. Double boo. And monday is tutorial. Boooooooo~ Can I just live in denial? Shoo to those thoughts. I actually have some plans ahead. *laughs*

Malacca tomorrow and mambo jambo on wednesday! Yes, I am living in denial!

Yet another morning of reckless driving along the every winding KERINCI LINK, where cars, BIGGER cars rushed to wherever they need to go like nobody's business. Me, who happened to be pretty early and sleepy at the same time stayed at the left lane and drive slowly, dreaming at the same time, like nobody's business. Heh. Probably due to the tomyam seafood pasta, chicken chop and the roast chicken salad. Part of supper. You can find it all at the famed SEED cafe. Not too bad, surprisingly.

Kicked off the morning with a cup of 3-in-1 Milo Mocha which tasted like dilluted coffee with lots and lots of sugar. Bleh. I am supposed to be on a strict diet. Those kind which is free from sugar, alcohol and anything that is bad. Pretty tough actually.

Dell is just so stupid. Apparently today is my last day to extend my warranty. Well, I did that on wednesday and that operator said she will call me back to confirm. Did she? NO. I had to call again the next day only to find out she is on leave and nobody can do anything since it is her case. How stupid is that? And now my phone battery is extremely low, which means if she calls today... GRRRR... If they do not extend my warranty for stupid reasons, I am just going to call them and scold until they do with the extra charges. Yes, I will do just that. Hopefully my dad doesn't call. Its weird sometimes, I actually told him I cannot talk long because my phone is low on batt, and he asked, "How come? You didn't bring charger along?" Duh, dad.

Okay, I am bored and feel useless while on the job. Its a slow day and the hours seem too long. I get to surf the net all I want until there is nothing much I can search on. I have no idea what to eat and the boredom is seriously killing my appetite.

What do I do then? I surf food blogs in hoping for the food pictures to boost up the appetite. That did happen but what even worse happen is that I cannot afford to eat those now. Too luxurious for me at the moment. However, I did manage to get reviews on places that I wanted to go. This way, I know whether can make it or not. I think I'll go broke trying out those places. No kidding, I have even wrote down their address.

Yes, I am that bored!

I am now officially working at MidValley City, where I can visit Robinsons anytime I want.

What is the use if I do not have the money to shop?

So please, if you happen to drop by during lunch or dinner, do look for me yea?

Thursday, 27^th September 2007 at 1.55am

Due to the lack of internet connection, I’ll just going to blog whenever I feels like it and save if till I get to post it online. Bear with me because the dates might be a mess.

Back in Ipoh. Going to get proper sleep finally. I just cannot get to sleep well at my sister’s place and my own place… too many things on my mind. My plans for the next few days is just one: SLEEP. You wouldn’t believe how much I slept during the examination period. Yes, you’ve read correctly. I slept a lot. It just never seem to enough. Probably it is because I sleep at 3, 4 am and wake up 12, 1 pm. Guess this is what they call sleeping quality.

So far, 1^st day in Ipoh, nothing much actually. Found a new best friend who seem to love sticking with me and never want to leave me alone. Introducing… Mr. Flu who is always loyal and stick up with you no matter what happens. Even when you are having exams. If only he is human and not a “disease”. Been with me whole day long, all the way from damansara to Ipoh. Finally, I had to take my magic pill to shoo him away. I am depending on pills so much, I hope I do not get addicted. But I only take it when Mr. Flu stays too long, am I on the right track?

Yumcha-ed with Ian and HooiLi. We updated each other on our current lives. I resisted coffee because I want to sleep, so did Ian. Ian as usual, with his lame tricks, and he claimed he don’t tell lame jokes anymore. Okay, maybe not as lame as before… We talked about work, credit cards and lots more. HooiLi is waiting for her interview result. I am excited about it because she’ll be moving to damansara. Gosh, its going to be like staying in Ipoh again. So near to each other. You just can’t seem to help bumping into people you know in Ipoh. Saw Alvin and I-don’t-know-her-name-who-is-a-coursemate-of-mine. Ipoh Ipoh… So predictable.

Friday, 28^th September 2007 at 3.59pm

Stressed! I don’t even feel like eating.

It is that bad!

It was an eventful day yesterday which kept me awake the whole night long. I still feel like sleeping but am controlling as much as I can so I can get a good night rest tonight. Lunch was lousy but the people were great.

Just found out that I would have to go to PJ to take the bus with the rest of the CF-ians to the camp. How silly can that be? It would be a total waste of time, money and time!!! I am not a fan of buses and I definitely do not enjoy sitting a bus back to KL. My car is at sis’s place which would mean that I’ll have to take the LRT to Taman Bahagia or something and depend on someone to pick me up. So troublesome. Then I would have to be in PJ by 8.30am, AM! I would have to embrace the crazy traffic jam to reach there in time. Stupid DSA.

Monday, 1^st October 2007 at 10.46am

The stress feeling is yet to leave me. It feels like today is the day for errands, my own errands. So many people to call, to do. Crazy as I may sound, I wish my semester break end faster. Having this break is so much more stressful than having exams. I cannot sleep, cannot EAT… If that happens while I am in kl, no problem at all because I am basically living by myself. However, this happens in Ipoh, where my MOM and DAD are around which means I get complaints about me not sleeping at proper timing, not eating right. Gee, I too wish I can eat properly.

*gasps*

Could this be an early stage depression? Would I go into deeper depression as I age?

But what could I possibly be depressed about? *scratches head*

Think I am more likely being emo than depressed. Sheesh.